The film, about two childhood friends from South Korea who reconnect, is the kind of story the actor has always wanted to tell

 As told to Leah Chernikoff; Photographed by Mario Sorrenti; Styling by Beat Bolliger

In Celine Song’s stirringly intimate directorial debut, Past Lives, Greta Lee’s character, Nora, explains the Korean concept of inyeon, the notion that people who have found spiritual connections with one another are destined to meet again. Released in June, the film tells the story of playwright Nora reconnecting with a friend (Teo Yoo) from her childhood in South Korea.

Harper’s Bazaar Icon Lee, 40, has been a working actor for two decades. She’s earned plaudits—and awards buzz—for her performance in the movie, but perseverance more than fate is what led her to this moment. Below, she talks about how it feels to finally appear in a film that resonates with her sense of self. To see more from our 2023 Icons issue, including cover stars Kendall Jenner, Doja Cat, and Paul Mescal, click here.

My experience for almost 20 years now—which is either very thrilling or just depressing, however you want to look at it—is like this: It’s like the feeling when you’re invited to an intimate dinner party, and you’re going alone and nobody knows who you are. And right before you ring the doorbell, right before you step inside, in that moment, when you’re about to cross the threshold, you are the unknown. You’re an outsider. You know that you want to win people over, and let’s say you do, because you’ve had practice. But having to do that over and over and over again for 20 years has been the essence of what I’ve been doing.

And these people throwing the parties—they don’t talk to each other. It’s like starting over every time. That feeling—that feeling over a long, suspended period of time—it really sucks. It takes a lot out of you. That’s true for all women, I think. And it’s also specifically true for women of color and people coming from an immigrant experience, people who don’t have the keys to this mysterious world that is just business.

“I’ve been living in service of certain ideas—the status quo.… And I don’t want to do that.”

I’ve always felt like with acting, I’m not entitled to anything. I do think this is the kind of job where you’re not entitled to anything, truly, no matter who you are. But it became impossible for me to not think about the way I was supporting what kinds of stories were being told and in what way.

[Playing Nora in Past Lives] was totally different because of certain experiences that I had. And because I wanted to acknowledge, Okay, I’ve been living in service of certain ideas—the status quo—trying to explain myself constantly and create a palatable narrative of what I am. And I don’t want to do that. I can see how harmful that is for me to passively engage in all of this, just because that’s what I was expected to do. So I really took all that to heart. In entering this job, it did feel completely different.

That’s why this movie is so important to me. It’s evidence that we’re not headed to a certain place; we’re actually just here. This is the reality. Even the idea of what makes an American movie—it can be this. It doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. You can tell a really universal story that just makes sense to people.

And so that’s in my mind, in terms of what I want to do next and how to continue to make material and be part of things where it can be about someone who looks like me, but it isn’t like this bespoke tiny identity piece or something that’s way over here for an audience that’s way over here. Because I’m really not interested in doing that.

This interview and the photo shoot were conducted before the SAG-AFTRA strike.

Hair: Tomo Jidai for Oribe; makeup: Frank B for LoveSeen; manicures: Lisa Jachno for Dior Vernis; production: Calum Walsh for North Six; set design: Philipp Haemmerle