There is currently an epidemic that is sweeping the nation: Women everywhere are still not having orgasms. Sure, conditions have improved since, say, the Stone Age, but the fact is, men are knocking out orgasms like carnival games while women are forever stuck at the top of the ferris wheel (if they even make it that far).
Here’s a familiar scenario: You’re reading an article in which a woman shares her number one orgasm-guaranteed tip and you think, ‘I’ve been doing that forever and haven’t felt a thing—what’s wrong with me?’ What a lot of women need to realize is that orgasms are not a one-size-fits-all situation; in fact, they’re incredibly specific and personal. We have so much capacity for pleasure, yet we seem to be at a disadvantage for unlocking our orgasmic potential. So what’s getting in the way?
Here are five things you need to know if you want to achieve the Big O:
1) Your orgasm, your responsibility.
A common trap that women fall into is believing that their orgasm is dependent on their partner. One of the best ways to secure a supply of consistent orgasms is to know how to make them happen yourself. Become the expert of your own body and use that expertise to show him the ropes, because chances are, he doesn’t have a clue. Learn where to touch yourself, how to touch yourself, what you like and what you don’t like. That way, no matter what your partner is up to, you will hold the key to your own orgasm.
2) Practice makes perfect.
Your friend who has an orgasm every time a man so much as looks at her? She’s the exception, not the rule. Becoming the master of your own sexual pleasure does not happen in one night; it is a skill that takes practice. Lots and lots of practice. If you’re serious about unlocking your O, you’ve got to set aside some serious “me” time. Clear your schedule, set the mood with some sexy candles and sensual music, turn your phone on sleep mode and get to work. First stop: the clitoris. Test out different strokes and varying pressures to discover what you respond most pleasurably to. Once you’ve manually gotten the lay of the land, then you can start mixing it up with direct versus indirect stimulation, sex toys and more.
3) Mindset is everything.
Sure, a big part of your orgasm has to do with logistics but mindset also plays a key role in helping you get into the O-zone and stay there. If you’re distractedly going through the motions, thinking about next week’s presentation and picking up your clothes at the tailor, then you are going to find yourself miles away from any kind of sexual climax. The trick here is to tackle your tension before you even hit the bedroom. Meditate, exercise, take a long hot bath and do whatever you need to do to unwind and let go of all the unnecessary stressors. That way, by the time you settle in, there’s only one thing left on the list.
4) But know when to let go.
Just because your mind is a key factor in your orgasm doesn’t mean you should set up camp there. You know that saying “A watched pot never boils”? Well, a watched pot never orgasms either. We all want to cross that explosive finish line, but a lot of women put so much pressure on themselves to reach it that they miss the turnpike altogether. During your next sexual encounter, whether it be solo or with a partner, try not to focus on what’s not happening with your body and appreciate what is. If you don’t get there, enjoying the ride counts for a lot, too.
5) There are many roads to orgasm.
It may seem like women were given the short end of the orgasm stick, especially compared to our male counterparts, but the fact is that our bodies are built for pleasure. After all, if we weren’t intended to have mind-blowing orgasms, why are we blessed with three different types to experience? Let me explain.
Clitoral: With more than 8,000 nerve endings in such a tiny organ, it’s no surprise that the clitoris is the most accessible way to reach orgasm. Unfortunately, most sex positions focus on internal stimulation and don’t give the clitoris the attention it needs. To experience a clitoral orgasm, start by taking your pointer and middle finger and placing them on the clitoris and clitoral hood. Start moving slowly in circular motion to see how it feels, and go from there! This can easily be done by you or a partner during sex.
G-Spot: Some people consider it the holy grail of female sexual pleasure, while others question its very existence. However, as those who have experienced the elusive G-Spot orgasm will tell you, it is well worth the search! The G-Spot is located about 2 inches inside the vagina on the topside of the vagina wall and is actually easier to locate when you’re already aroused. The size and location vary for each women, but you will know it by it’s bumpy, walnut-like texture.
To stimulate it, try inserting two fingers into your vagina with palms facing up and make a come hither motion, massaging it with the your fingertips.
Blended: Women are multitaskers by nature and I like to think that the blended orgasm is their grand reward. It occurs during simultaneous clitoral and G-spot stimulation and experts say that it is the most intense and powerful type of climax a woman can experience.
To have a blended orgasm, you need to stimulate both your clitoris and G-spot at the same time. This can be achieved by incorporating a clitoral vibrator during sex, especially in the doggy style or spooning position. It can also be achieved when a partner performs oral sex, if he uses his mouth and tongue to engage your clitoris while using the “come hither” motion with his fingers.
Dr. Emily Morse is a sex and relationship expert with degrees in human sexuality and psychology. She runs the popular website sexwithemily.com and is the host of a top-downloadedpodcast.
Image: Getty Images
