Feeling lonely? Ironically, you’re far from alone. A 2016 study by The Co-op and British Red Cross revealed that over 9 million UK adults are always or often lonely, with a 2018 survey by Radio 4 indicating that 16- to 24-year-olds experience loneliness more often and more intensely than any other age group. Maybe it’s the result of comparing social lives to those of others on Instagram, maybe it’s a symptom of “the death of the nuclear family”, maybe its our increasingly digitalised lives – regardless, there’s no denying that loneliness is reaching epidemic levels.
It’s a problem for both our health and our economy. Shocking research by psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that loneliness and poor social connections are as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and likely to increase your risk of death by 29 per cent, while a study by The Big Lunch found that disconnected communities could be costing the UK economy £32 billion every year.
The good news is, we’re finally starting to talk about it. The UK government launched its Let’s Talk Loneliness campaign in June 2019, aiming to reduce stigma around the topic, while high-profile celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence, Brad Pitt and Lady Gaga have all opened up about their personal experiences of loneliness. We’re telling more stories about it too, from the sadness beneath the perky exterior of Phoebe-Waller Bridge’s Fleabag, to the picture of extreme isolation painted by Ottessa Moshfegh in My Year of Rest And Relaxation. The film rights for novel Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine – a sweet, sad, and solitary tale that won more awards than can sensibly be listed – have been snapped up by Reese Witherspoon’s production company, Hello Sunshine, with Witherspoon describing the story as an example of how “human connection can so deeply enrich your life”.
But while loneliness may be prevalent, it can be difficult to define, and feels different for each of us. It’s possible to be surrounded by people only to feel entirely alone, just as it’s possible to spend a day in near-silence and consider it bliss. Loneliness is personal, subjective and mercurial, with the ability to creep up on you unexpectedly. The Guardian published a piece in January 2020 on “weekend loneliness”, in which the newspaper spoke to several people who experienced busy, interaction-filled weeks, followed by weekends stretched out by solitude. Many will relate to the experience of realising that a trip to the supermarket is the first time all day in which you have spoken aloud to another person.
Science & Society Picture library, Getty Images
“Loneliness is different for everyone. We describe it as the feeling you experience when there’s a negative gap between the social connections you want, and those that you have,” says Kate Shurety, executive director of Campaign To End Loneliness. “You can feel lonely even in a crowd, if you don’t feel you have connection in the room. Everyone has a story to tell about their own experience of loneliness – it’s a universal experience.”
The causes vary enormously too: Shurety points to big life transitions such as moving from childhood to adulthood, bereavement, changing jobs and becoming a parent. And while loneliness isn’t a mental health condition itself, the two are closely related. “Loneliness can potentially worsen experiences of depression and anxiety, and feeling low or anxious can cause you to withdraw from the friends and family around you, potentially leading to you feeling even lonelier,” says Stephen Buckley, head of information at mental health charity Mind. “It’s not clear whether loneliness is on the rise or, more positively, if people feel more able to talk openly about their experiences. Regardless, it’s really important that anyone struggling is able to access support.”
