Image: Terry Richardson
1) You don’t understand when your friends don’t remember the names of the restaurant they went to. “What do you mean it’s an Italian restaurant that maybe starts with a J or it could be a P?”
2) You plan your vacations around meals. You’ll probably visit the absolutely must-see tourist attractions, but you’re going to be squeezing them in between the stuff on your food itinerary. And when your friends tell you about their trips, your first question is, “Where did you eat?”
3) You have sent emails with the subject line “pizza.” Or “cookies.” Or “new burger place.”
4) Your Instagram account is mostly pictures of things you’ve eaten, and you feel fine about that. If someone is going to be really appalled when you photograph your sushi spread, you can resist. But for the most part, you have no problem taking a quick picture before proceeding with your meal.
5) You don’t understand people who “just aren’t that into dessert.” Like no chocolate or vanilla? If someone gave you a slice of apple pie, you wouldn’t eat it? Who are you?
6) When someone asks you for a brunch idea, you send back links to four to six different options. You also occasionally annotate them with notes like, “Haven’t been but want to try,” “Very popular, but might be too crowded,” and, “SO good.”
7) You start talking about dinner before you even order breakfast. Just because you haven’t even decided between an omelet or pancakes yet doesn’t mean you can’t look ahead to discuss that amazing pasta they’re supposed to have at the restaurant you’re going to that night.
8) You will also book a restaurant on OpenTable 30 minutes before you go to eat there, even if you know it won’t be that crowded. If you can get the points, why would you not get the points?
9) Friends come to you for ideas rather than using Yelp. You do request that they provide a general price range, type of food, and neighborhood though. Otherwise, it’s so hard to narrow down your favorites.
10) You look up menus on the day you’re going to a restaurant. Sure, you’ll see the selection in a few hours, but you need a preview. You need time to consider your options. This is why they invented the expression “food for thought,” yes?
11) But you don’t even have to open the menu at some of your favorite spots. That Mexican food place down the street? Portobello burrito, no onions, please.
12) You have a Google doc or spreadsheet of places you want to try. And it is a looooong list.
13) You are actually kind of ashamed when someone asks you about a newish restaurant and you haven’t been. You’ve totally been meaning to try it. It’s on your list. Seriously, you know, it’s supposed to be so great. And yet you have no insight into the actual dining experience. Sad, you know.
14) You consider getting a reservation somewhere impossible an achievement. You feel like you need to tell your story of triumph with friends. You are disappointed when they don’t seem to understand what a big deal it is.
15) You feel guilty about spending too much on shoes, but you are fine with splurging on a seven-course prix fixe. You can’t do this often, but every once in a while, it’s worth it for the experience.
16) You could never be with someone who was just “meh” about food. You tell your significant other that there’s a new fried chicken restaurant and he just replies “cool” or “OK”? Unacceptable.
17) You want to hear every single detail of someone else’s meal. “Yes, that chicken sounds great, but go back, what did you have for an appetizer? And did you order side dishes?”
18) Bar dining can be the best dining. You might have to spend a little time scouting out seats, but it’s one of the best ways to try out a place that you didn’t book weeks in advance or that doesn’t take reservations.
19) You can be so full, but you know you’ll probably have room for a snack later. “Ugh, that was great, but I am miserable. I’m never eating again. What? There’s a great ice cream shop around here? OK.”
