Lola On Love: Introducing Relationships on Social Media

Photo: Kelly Stuart

Three seconds after I posted the first picture of Tom and I kissing in the middle of Soho, as if we were in L’ile St Louis or le Pont des Arts (where PDA doesn’t mean a thing), I get a phone call from Paris. “So, Cherie, does that mean it’s official with your American boyfriend?” It’s my mother,who had to learn the subtle laws of Instagram in order to stay connected with her three tech-savvy daughters.  By official, she means dating, nothing else.

Without waiting for my answer, she leaves enthusiastic comments illustrated by a punctuation of pink, red and yellow hearts and a flurry of thumbs-up emojis before regramming the picture on her own account @nathalierykiel.

This is her subtle way of letting her whole network know that she is happy for her daughter, wants to meet Tom and is having a great day—all in one swift post. The ‘gram is quickly noticed by my friends, who add emojis of flames, hearts, fireworks, flowers and less-than-innocent jokes and comments.

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I start to feel a bit anxious with this colourful reaction.  Was that too private to post? Too early? What if exposing my feelings like this could be bad karma for my new coupledom?

On the other hand, I loved the picture with the adorable street art in the background and I couldn’t resist showing how I happy I was to be in love with Tom (yes, Tom the hiking guide from the Pearl Laguna).  Wasn’t the point of having social media to share your feelings and what’s happening in your life with your circle? It was a question that had lingered in my mind from the minute we started dating—when will it be the right time to  “come out”  digitally?

Even if Tom and I had our first kiss over the summer, it’s was not until Christmas while at Gurney‘s for a romantic getaway that I started to discreetly tag him in our pictures at the beach, in the seawater spa or during our long walks on the Montauk shoreline.

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I was equally excited to showcase the remarkable Hamptons’ light, which doesn’t require a filter—and my new cosy knitted boyfriend sweater, which I got especially for that trip.

Almost exactly one month later, Tom finally posted a romantic collage of the two of us on Facebook for my birthday. Facebook being his media of choice, it was his way of introducing us as a couple to his community. Of all the wonderful presents I got that day, nothing made me more excited than this demonstration of love from him (he’s usually such a private person). I wouldn’t have been happier if he hired a helicopter to write “I love you” in golden smoke over Place de la Concorde during fashion week.

His post was my green light; I knew then that I could do the same.

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My selected picture was my favourite from a series we had taken the previous day and one I felt perfectly showed our relationship: fun, relaxed, playful and full of joy.

Of course, questions lingered as I waited for Tom’s reaction and those of my friends and family. But I decided that, for me, it was a declaration of my feelings and a commentary on my life to this point; an inclusive statement for those who I might not speak to on a daily basis but with whom I wanted to share this moment and my newfound love—filtered or unfiltered.