The Christmas season is here, and many of us are back to our respect motherlands to see family and, in between that strange space between Christmas and New Year, we might catch up with old friends.

When I say ‘old friends’, maybe it’s best to start with what they’re not. It isn’t someone you’ve known for a while that you catch up with in stilted sentences when you visit your hometown. It’s not someone you feel obliged to see because you’ve known each other for a long time. It’s not someone where conversation is only solely limited to updating each other on how your job is and whether or not your have a partner. They certainly don’t make you feel inadequate about your life choices, whether intentional or not. Those people are acquaintances, not friends. It’s a misconception that the word acquaintance is only applied to someone you’ve only recently met or whom you have never been close to.

If a friendship can survive in spite of good and bad feelings, through changing circumstances and geography, through maybe long-term absences, and regardless of differing interests… if its existence remains fixed despite all of that, then that’s precious. If you have an appreciation for who someone was as well as the person they’ve become, then surely that’s the full monty, the full fat, top dollar version of friendship.

1. They remind us of who we are

Old friends might ask you about your job or boyfriend, but they’re also the ones you’ll riff with, the ones who within an hour you’ll be uncontrollably laughing with, the ones you feel relaxed and calm with, the ones that remind us of who we are – even parts that we might have forgotten because they were there at that family party, they remember the heartbreak you felt when you broke up with your first love and how it changed you. They have a better understanding of who you are now because they understand and know you were and where you’re from.

2. They offer the ease of family without the pressure

Not everyone has these friends and that’s what makes them as precious as the last page in your favourite book. We live in a world where it’s never been easier to communicate, and yet maintaining old friendships still feels difficult. We’re busy people and, for a lot of us, the idea of sustaining a relationship beyond a decade with someone whom they’re not related to feels nigh on impossible. But that’s where the lines blur slightly – true old friends are the closest it gets to family. But, unlike with some family members, there is absolutely no keeping up with appearances. They don’t mind that you haven’t been promoted yet or that you haven’t met the love of your life – that’s not why they’re friends with you.

Rihanna with childhood best friend, Melissa Forde
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3. They know everything about you and love you anyway (and this makes you feel totally comfortable)

Old friends know everything about you – they are aware of your flaws, that you can be a bit self-involved or that you tend to be a bit gobby when drunk or that you will resist confrontation no matter what, and they love you anyway. They accept you for who you are. Over the course of our teenage years and twenties, we change a lot, our values, our interests, our jobs. Your old friends know all this and they’ve decided to stick with you.

4. They know immediately how to make you feel good

They have a deep understanding of how to make you feel good or sad because they’ve had years of watching your reactions to certain situations. They know that you have a tendency to bury your head in the sand in times of conflict; that a certain type of man is your kryptonite or the spirit you can’t handle despite your most ardent protests. They’re not surprised when you tell them out of the blue that you’re quitting your job and moving to India because they remember you mentioning it to them when you were 15.

Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell who have known each other since their teens
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5. You don’t need to like the same stuff to get on

The bond between old friends goes beyond common interests – it’s a link far stronger than the music you like or whether you work in different fields or where you like hanging out. It’s true that as we grow older we meet more likeminded people because we have a better sense of self, of what we like and what our interests are. Those friendships are important and nourishing, but they aren’t a replacement for friends who have a greater insight into our past or whom we’ve shared a hundred experiences with. Those connections take years to build, weathering disagreements and conflicts. It’s a deep, almost defining bond. You compliment each other rather than replicate one another.

6. They’re often the people who are most likely to be truly honest with you

There’s a quote by someone somewhere that compares old friends to putting an old, comfy pair of boots. I’m inclined to argue against – being old friends with someone isn’t always comfortable; it can be awkward actually. They’re likely to be the people who tell you not what you want to hear, but what you need to hear – that your boyfriend isn’t worthy or that you’re behaving like an unreasonable idiot on a night out – because they know the deepest crevices of who you are, where you’re from, what you’re worth and capable of. They’ll do all this and will still come back for more. Your oldest friends are often the mirror to ourselves. They know the essence of you and there’s nothing more comforting and happiness-inducing than the ability to be completely yourself with someone. Of course, this feeling isn’t something that’s exclusive to old friends, but it helps.

Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts who went to high school together
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7. They hold the nostalgia card

There aren’t many more enjoyable evenings as the ones you spend with people you’ve known forever, where every question starts with ‘remember when’. You might be a high-flying banker or CEO now, but remember when you fell over on the bus and face-planted in front of everyone? Or the time you had such a good night out on holiday that you narrowly missed your flight home? Those memories are grounding and humbling. They also make us happy because they remind of us a time when we were happy.

8. They understand the nuances of your family, which is gratifying

They know everything about your family, for better or for worse, and still hold them in high regard because they understand the nuances of your relationships. They’ve put in the time to find out. They’ll nod soothingly when you moan about family members, but they won’t say anything negative outright as they appreciate the complexities. In fact, much to your irritation, these are the friends your family always stick up for when you fall out.

From: Harper’s BAZAAR UK